And so it begins...

I have to say... being a 21 year old, senior in college- and starting a blog, was really not on my to do list this year. In all honesty I am hoping that my starting this blog will not be as lame as it is currently sounding and looking in my mind.

I can't really say what inspired me to start this... well my friend Hannah did because she has a blog and told me its a great way to express how you feel. But thats just the thing... I don't know how I feel... about a lot actually. The only thing I do know is that I need a way to just talk. plain and simple. about life or anything and everything. I know I am not the only person that feels this way sometimes, and I'm hoping this blog helps others, or at least just myself.
So I am biting the bullet (hate that saying) and embodying Carrie Bradshaw for this.


I can't believe how fast this year has flown by already. A little over 1/4 of my senior year is gone... and the real world is closing in ever so quickly. I refer to graduation day as D-day because thats the day my parents cut me off, and I'm sure they are more then happy to cut off their most high maintenance child. Actually, they're probably going to throw the biggest party in May in celebration: "The official bon voyage" my dad calls it. Ass.

I guess one of the main reasons for starting this is because over the last two months my boyfriend and I have broken up, and if losing a someone you love and have been with for over a year and a half isn't enough, losing a best friend just makes it all the worse. Aannnnd to top it all off we live together in a house with four other people... I know, I know. why god did I agree to do it... well besides the fact that we needed a sixth roommate to sign the lease.. I guess you can call me a hopeless romantic. A part of me thought we would be together for a really long time. I was probably drunk.

I'm not the type of person that would just jump into a relationship, or even steadily hookup with someone if I didn't have some form of feelings attached with the hopes of a relationship in the future..
Okay, well if truth be told the first year and a half of college for me was pretty sloppy slutty...slopty? in terms of hookups. Although I am proud to say that I have not just had a one night stand or one night hookup. I have always hooked up with a person more then once or twice... hey, at least I'm consistent.
But I will say that as a 21 year old, I would never be in a relationship at this age and point in my life, if I didn't think I was going to be with the person for a long time, if not forever... right?.. I know we're young, but why would you be with someone at our age, if you didn't think you were going to be with them for a long time, if not forever?... What's the point? Why waste your time?

Back to the breakup... Living in the same house is not helping the situation, especially when the other person is so passive I will never understand. So its been going along the lines of shadows passing each other in the hallway... avoiding running to the bathroom to poop because I have to pass his room. Solely eating the tub of BJ's utz pretzels (my mom got me) when he is home and has his door open because I don't want to pass his room to go to the kitchen and have to give the fake smile or act like I'm texting so I can avoid eye contact.
I have thought about moving out for next semester because the breakup has begun to take a toll on the relationships I have with two of my best friends/ roommates.. and I care about them too much to let them go. But my room is so cute and big, and I also found this house, so why the hell should I move out?.. But at the same time we all signed a lease, and my (ex)boyfriend and I signed this lease knowing that we would be living together if we broke up, so I guess I need to bite the bullet on this one (again, I hate that saying). Plus, finding a sublet on craigslist scares me, and I don't have the energy to devote to that right now, especially with Gossip Girl and Dexter grasping my full attention these days.

I guess I don't know what else to say but how sometimes love to turns into resentment.
God. I need a drink.

-JTan